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Eyes tired? Listen to this post here:
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This week is going to be super short and sweet.
Amanda here, and to be honest it has been a very rough few days for us, but not in any way that we would have expected…
Have you ever decided you are going to make a change in your life – you have the momentum to get started and you are excited to follow through, but you’ve completely underestimated what it will take to implement that change? That’s me this week. I am officially at one week of being in nicotine-free…. well, definitely not bliss like I thought it would be.
I know you are probably thinking “Duh Amanda, quitting smoking is obviously known to be difficult.”
But, I messed up.
You see, I used Chantix back in October of 2016 to stop smoking cigarettes. It has been a wonderful few years, even though Chantix was difficult for me, I am so thankful for no longer being easily recognized by my smoker’s cough. As a long-term smoker, my former military co-workers could single me out in any meeting or commander’s call and know I was in the building because they could hear me coming long before they saw me.
What I should have done when I stopped smoking is give up all nicotine products for good — instead, I discovered the fruity, delicious, non-stinkified version and pretended that vaping was certainly better than smoking.
I mean it has to be, right!?
- No smoker’s cough
- No ashtray hair come morning
- No embarrassment when someone finds out you smoke for the first time
- No standing outside in the freezing cold trying to finish your cigarette as fast as possible
All the good with none of the bad, what could go wrong???
Well, friends, I am here to tell you that things can go very very wrong. Especially if you are like me and battle clinical depression on good days already.
The first couple of days without vaping, I was a bit agitated, but no big deal – I can handle being agitated (others may not want to handle me, but I was doing ok 😂)
Then, on day 4, the depression and anxiety symptoms hit.
And we’re not talking about the kind of day that takes some self-care and reminding myself that things are ok.
We are talking full-blown life isn’t worth it, what’s the point, stuck on the couch with waves of anxiety hitting you like a 10 ft wall of water and taking your breath away symptoms.
Because I have been waking up feeling like nothing is right or good in the world or my life, my creativity and motivation are officially at zero. So, rather than trying to push through and work my regular crazy amount of hours right now, I am taking this weekend and the next few days to take care of myself. Sometimes we must ensure we are able to fill from a cup that isn’t already empty in order to be of service to the world.
So, instead of researching and figuring out a great topic to bring you this week, I’ll share this simple, impactful quote instead.
“All the suffering, stress and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
This quote is one that helps me remember in times like this that all the happiness, peace, and comfort you seek is already inside of you.
I hope you are all having a beautiful week, but if you are struggling too, I hope that you take comfort in the reminder that you are already all the good you need.
Until next time my friends,
